Holy Math

Last night, while working on the Forest Canopy Shawl, I heard voices. No, not the usual Voices in my Head—but the voices of teachers who tried to teach me Math over the years.

Kindergarten: Sister Mary Michael the Avenging Archangel—“If you have 8 angels on your right shoulder and 6 devils on your left shoulder, how many sins have you committed?”

Second grade: Sister Mary Get Behind Me Satan—“If you go to confession and for your penance you say five Hail Marys, seven Our Fathers and a decade of the rosary, how much will your time of suffering in Purgatory be reduced?”

Fifth grade: Sister Mary Pray for the Unbaptized Babies in Limbo—“ If you put a quarter in the collection basket every week, how long will it take for the Bishop to heat the convent?”

Seventh grade, Sister Mary Knute Rockne—“If X = the Ten Commandments and Y= the Seven Deadly Sins, then X plus Y divided by the ten lepers equals _____?

Tenth grade, Sister Mary St. Peter at the Pearly Gates—“If two sinners are visited by the Holy Spirit, and one sinner repents 84 sins, then the other sinner repents 92 sins, at what point will their sins intersect?

If Sister Mary Habemus Papam (Fourth grade) had only told me that someday I’d be tinking 200 plus stitches on a lace shawl at 1:30 AM because of arithmetic errors I made, perhaps I would have learned how to count past the Trinity and maybe I would have paid more attention to basic addition, subtraction, multiplication and division.

And contrary to what anyone might have heard, those words I was mumbling under my breath while tinking were actually prayers of praise.